True Blood 1.07- "Burning House of Love"

written by: Chris Offut
directed by: Marcos Siega

Pam is Queen V

BILL'S HOUSE
-Sookie and Bill are still going at it. Like everybody's first time it only hurts when he bites and it is not awkward at all.

OPENING CREDITS

BILL'S BATHROOM
-Bill's bathtub is just not what a vampire should have. I know one of the show's themes is dispelling stereotypes, but I don't need the image of Bill in a tub in my head.

-In his overdone accent, Bill says that vampires made up a lot of mythes about themselves just so they can disprove them. It's pretty clever.

SOOKIE'S FLASHBACK
-Look guys there is nothing funny about this flashback. Sookie's Uncle Bartlett molested her when she was a child. Enjoy this video from The IT Crowd instead of me writing something awkward.

BILL'S BATHTUB
-"It's not your fault."
"I know that! But here I am. I mean I just had one of most important experiences in a girl's life. And it was so, so perfect. Great. I hate that I can't not think about him."-This is a great little speech about the moments in our lives that scar us. Even if you don't see yourself as a victim, you can't escape the impact.

-Bill tells Sookie that she's safe with him. Why am I suddenly reminded of "The Walrus and the Carpenter"?

"Now if you're ready, [Sookie] dear,
[I] can begin to feed."

LAFAYETT'E'S DISPENSARY
-Um does anyone know the name of Lafayette's website? Asking for a friend.

That friend is me.

-Honestly, I don't know who would win in a fight between Jason and Lafayette. I just hope there is oil involved.

BILL'S HOUSE

-Sookie is trying to romanticise Bill's hole in the ground. Oh first love. 

TARA'S HOUSE

-Tara gives me some pretty handy tips on bill paying. I have definitely used that before. 

-Lettie Mae tells Tara that she's "not a group person". I wish I had a demon to blame that on.

STACKHOUSE HOUSE

-Even Sookie realises that the gown she was wearing last night should not see the light of day.

Appropriate walk-across-the-cemetary attire.

-Apparently V turns you into an asshole, because that is what Jason is being right now.

SAM'S TRAILER

-"Goddamn son of a bitchin' shit ass fucking trailer!"

-We see the collie again, so Sam can't be the collie...right?!

-While I think Sam and Tara's relationship is healthier than Bill and Sookie's, it is very frustrating to watch Tara deal with people. Guess what Tara? No one wants to talk about the hard stuff.

...not that hard stuff.

BANK

-Lettie Mae is trying to get a loan for her exorcism. I'm surprised they don't give it to her with it being the South and all. 

-Lettie Mae is me trying to get out of paying my student loans.

-"There may be snow on the mountaintop, but there's fire in the valley.

TARA'S HOUSE

-I would never find that money, because I don't really know what you're suppose to clean with a brillo pad. Not the microwave.

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-"I'm paying you to cook, not beat on customers."

"Then I want a motherfucking raise."-Sam could have done with better wording.

-Sookie is fooling no one with that ascot. 

Lafayette's right, though. It is pornalicious.

JASON'S HOUSE

-Jason's whitest trash hook up has a name guys! It's Randy Sue! Of course.

-Randy Sue surprises as all by saying that she won't go to Fangtasia because she has morals. 

"Morals" may be the name of her breasts.

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-Arlene, I was hoping Sookie was going to do it with Sam too.

-Renee is the terrible Cajun voice of reason.

-Lafayette and I have the same reaction to Sam violating Sookie's privacy.

We're basically the same person.

FANGTASIA

-I'm proud to announce I new segment to my True Blood recaps. The Pam Line of the Week: "Your momma know you're out in the big city?"

-Pam asks if Jason stands out. He might not, but that deep(est) v does.

The male version of the JLo dress.

UNCLE BARTLETT'S HOUSE

-Bill murders Uncle Bartlett. I'm reminded of that moment from Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog when Moist suggests Dr. Horrible smother an old lady to get into the Evil League of Evil. I'm not saying Bartlett doesn't deserve it, but it's pretty low hanging fruit.

COUNTRY ROAD

-"You want to meet the devil, wait at the crossroad."

"That was half a mile back."

-While trying to find the exorcist, Lettie Mae calls Lafayette a "sexual deviant". It's the alcoholic pot calling the kettle a whore.

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-Sookie nobody wants to hear about your sex life.

-"It an't possible to live unless you crossing somebody's line."

FANGTASIA

-That poor girl would be me if I ever met Alexander Skarsgård.

Unless he's wearing that wig. Then it's just laughter.

-Jason deserves to get drained for how obvious he is being right now.

-Guys it's Lizzy Caplan! I hate her character so much on the show, but I love her!

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-Once again Sookie pretty much just tells a customer she's a telepath. She might as well be wearing a t-shirt.

-The vampire nest trio come in and Malcolm reminds me of the first episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

"Deal with that outfit for a moment...only someone who's been living underground for ten years would think that was the look."-Source

 -The nest vampires are dicks and the town folk start gathering up their torches and pitchforks.  

-Here's the thing, why do the vampires even care about Bill? What would be the purpose of getting Bill to join their nest? Do they need tips on growing out their side burns?

-"Mainstreaming is for pussies."

Seen here: Pussy.

GAS STATION

-Amy is that one friend in college who really changes your perspective on things, but as you get older you realize they were just douchey.

MISS JEANETTE'S BUS OF HORRORS

-Miss Jeanette tells Tara to be quiet like she's a tired mom in Target.

-That possum deserved it. 

He knows what he did.

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-Terry's PTSD is honestly heartbreaking. I'll be writing more about it as the series progresses.

-The patrons of Merlotte's become a lynch mob. This has never happened before in the history of the South.

JASON'S HOUSE

-Jason wants the V.

-Word of the day: coagulate. A lot of these words have to do with blood.

-This happens:

This is the most I can show without having to put a parental lock on my blog.

BILL'S HOUSE

-Sookie looks for Bill at his house...that's all. His life is in danger and she doesn't look anywhere else. For Pete's sake she claimed she loved him like an hour ago!

LAKE

-Andy insists that Iraqis are pissed off, because they don't have fishing. That's it.

-He also uses the phrase "poontang". I'm afraid to urban dictionary that.

-Andy and Terry get to witness my dream: a naked Sam.

Never mind. The parental lock is worth it.

 VAMPIRE'S NEST

-"Country fried vampire."

END

There wasn't a Musical Moment in this episode for me, but you guys should listen to Spoon's "Do You", because I like it.

SPOILERS

-Tara asks Sam if his family asks him for money for stupid shit. They will in a few seasons. I'd argue that Sam's family is worse than Tara's.

-There's a high likelihood that Eric is texting Bill at Fangtasia.

"What's your netflix password?"

-Jacob Clifton of the now defunct Television Without Pity (RIP) once wrote about Alexander Skarsgård's Kermit voice. He argues that Skarsgård uses it when the character he's playing is acting. The observation's not wrong, but the Kermit voice will pretty much be gone by next season. Whether or not it's because Eric stops "acting" or because Skarsgård's acting style changes, is up for debate. 

-This marks the first episode where Jason doesn't have sex with anybody.

Home of the Nutty is where I procure the screencaps.

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