directed by: John Dahl
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| No apologies |
-We pick up right were we left off at Bill's house where Sookie encounters some real vampires.
-Sookie shows she has no sense of self preservation by informing the scary vampires that they can't glamour her. I'm sure they'll forget about her now!
-Apparently Bill was trying to convince the other vampires that synthetic blood is the best. Like everything Bill does, no one is interested.
-Diane points out that Sookie is a virgin. Probably not easy to get into the mood when you know what your bedfellow is really thinking.
-"Sookeh is mahn!"- the pronunciation to launch a thousand parodies.
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| Bill's |
BILL'S HOUSE
-Malcolm (?) calls his human "mad money". Is that show still on?
-"Someone needs to get down on my johnson."
-Diane is still trying to feed off Sookie, but Bill reiterates that Sookie is his. "Yeah, yeah we got it."
-We get a flashback from Jerry aka Mad Money. His boyfriend left him because he was addicted to V, so Jerry decides to get infected with Hep D. It's harmless to humans, but makes vampires weak. Jerry is a dick.
-See the Spoiler section for more on Hep D.
-After the bald headed, tattooed vampire "finishes up", the rest decide it's time to leave.
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| Spoiler: This episode has a lot of sex in it. Get used to it. |
-Sookie finally grows a backbone towards Bill and tells him that he can't have a kiss.
MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL
-Tara and Sam lament about Bill and Sookie's growing relationship, because even when she's not in a scene we need to know what's going on with Sookie at all times.
-Tara complains that Bill didn't even apologize for his family owning slaves. I don't think I'm allowed to comment, because I'm pretty white, but I don't know who is in the wrong.
-Dawn returns home to find out that Jason is no longer tied to the bed.
-He is, however, tricking her into thinking he's a vamp attacker.
-After all this foreplay, Jason and Dawn get back to having sex, because none of this shit is worth a real discussion when you can be having sex instead.
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| "Two people of your rankings in this small a room with this type of lighting and his upper body....all the more important to keep it tasteful."-Source |
STACKHOUSE HOUSE
-I'd make a snarky comment about Sookie having a melt down in the car, but in all honesty who hasn't been there. Why is the car such a great place to cry in?
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| Seen here: All of us at some point |
-Bill sneaks up on Sookie again and she decides to misplace her anger and verbally attack him for being a vampire.
-Bill's best explanation for why vampires and humans are "alive" is magic. He might of well should have just done this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
SAM'S TRAILER
-Tara opens up about the love/hate relationship with her alcoholic mother. She sums it up pretty nicely: "I know she may end up dying...lighting herself on fire with a lit cigarette, but...I can't. I won't. So, see, not only is this whole situation horrible, my guilt about it just makes it that much worse." It's a good insight into Tara.
-Sam and Tara decide to take a page out of Dawn and Jason's book and have sex.
-"That's a terrible idea."
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| "Doesn't matter, had sex!" |
-Jason and Dawn are still doing the horizontal tango, until Jason imagines Dawn as the bald headed vampire he saw on Maudette's video tape.
-Lynn Collins (Dawn) is absolutely marvellous in this scene and Alan Ball has given her some pretty good lines to work with.
-Dawn says that she's not ashamed that she let a vamp bite her (good for her!) and tells Jason to get off his high horse just because he lost his hard on. Jason refuses to leave and Dawn gets her gun.
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| Dawn has now managed to out sexy Jason even while wearing animal print. |
-Jason leaves telling Dawn's neighbor that Dawn is "a crazy bitch" and it's pretty weak.
SOOKIE'S DREAM
-Sookie has another dream about getting it on with Bill, but like 99% of sex dreams she wakes up before the good stuff actually happens.
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| Tina, the cat, knows what's up though. |
-Tara wakes up to Sam whimpering in his sleep. Probably nothing.
JASON'S HOUSE
-Jason finally spends the night at his own house and there's nothing on the tv except the thing he wants to forget: vampires.
-New character alert! Steve Newlin! Fun side note, Michael McMillian and I went to the same school district in high school. Of course not at the same time, but there is definitely a "friend of friend's friend" situation if the need ever arises.
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| Making Alexander Skarsgård a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend! |
-Bill goes over to Diane, Malcolm, and Liam's vampire nest and Malcolm calls Bill "everyone's favorite buzzkill". Looks like Bill just got a new title on this recap!
-Everyone's Favorite Buzzkill and Malcolm hint around that there is some kind of vampire hierarchy. See Spoiler section for more.
-Diane insults Sookie by calling her a "breather". All I can think about is Mouth Breather in Wonderfalls.
-Liam, the bald vampire, does some more talking. He's one of those people whose voice doesn't match their bodies.
SAM'S TRAILER
-Sam wakes up to Tara being gone. Did he expect anything else?
TARA'S HOUSE
-We finally have the pleasure of meeting Tara's mom, Lettie Mae and she's quite the charmer!
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| That's what I call Bible Thumping! |
-Tara rightly decides to peace the fuck out.
STACKHOUSE HOUSE
-Sookie tells Gran that she won't be seeing Everyone's Favorite Buzzkill anymore. Gran asks if he's "done something untowards?" Gran and Everyone's Favorite Buzzkill would be a really cute couple.
LAFAYETTE'S HOUSE
-Tara seeks medical attention from Lafayette and he prescribes 2 Vicodins and a glass of red wine. That's how I cure all my problems too!
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| The doctor is in. |
-Tara spills the beans about sleeping with Sam and his whimpering habits. Lafayette replies that "white folks just all fucked up." That we are Lafayette, that we are.
SAM'S TRAILER
-Sam and the collie are seen in the same shot together, so there's no way Sam is the collie...right?
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| This will throw them off the trail! |
-Sookie recounts that Arlene said people are less calcium deficient with all the milk people put in coffee now. I have definitely used this as a "fact" before. Sorry science!
-Sookie has a heart to heart with Gran about whether she should see Everyone's Favorite Buzz-kill and I know I should care, but honestly this episode is doing nothing for me and I just want it to be over.
-Gran thickens the plot by saying that her husband was able to "know" things, but his friend/relation just ended up killing himself anyways and it's pretty funny.
LAFAYETTE'S HOUSE
-Jason comes to Lafayette for some Viagra. Has Jason never received a spam email?
-Like a good drug dealer Lafayette convinces Jason that he needs some V instead. That way he'll get "wood so hard a saw couldn't cut through it." That's good I guess?
-Lafayette doesn't run a layaway program so Jason is going have to pay for his V by being videotaped dancing in nothing but his underwear.
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| I've paid for a lot of things this way. |
-Musical moment of the episode: "Soccer Practice" by The Gay Pimp. It's the song Jason dances to.
-Sookie for some reason comes to Bill's house to masturbate on his porch. Don't expect an explanation because you won't get one.
-Sam thankfully interrupts Sookie by calling her to ask her to go get Dawn to work proving he's definitely in upper management.
DAWN'S HOUSE
-Goodbye you gun wielding firecracker!
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| RIP |
SPOILERS
-So as we know Hep D will become a major plot point in the sixth and seventh season, but don't expect it to be mentioned before then! Also it will end up being called Hep V, they might have explained that but Alexander Skarsgård may have been on the screen and my attention was diverted elsewhere.
-Most people have not read the comics, but there is one where Jason reveals that he was raped by his teacher in high school. It's something that I really wish they would have brought into the show, because while it's great to see Ryan Kwanten naked we can already tell that he doesn't have the healthiest of sex lives.
-This episode marks the first time Jason fantasises (though that's the wrong word for this episode) about having sex with a vampire. Good news. It won't be the last...by a long shot.
-Malcolm mentions Eric, who will be in the next episode, though I don't know how long it will be until he is revealed as the Sheriff of Area 5. Malcolm also tiptoes around Vampire Queen of Louisiana, Sophie-Ann. He does say that she can "suck on sunlight" though!
As always screencaps were procured from Home of the Nutty.
Think I left something out? Let me know in the comments!
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