True Blood 1.05- "Sparks Fly Out"

written by: Alexander Woo
directed by: Dan Minahan

Bill Compton: All around trustworthy guy...For now!

STACKHOUSE HOUSE
-Bill and Sookie arrive at Sookie's house and they have another argument by her front porch. We're only five episodes in and already this stuff is getting old.

-Sookie thinks that Bill would have killed or at least drained the police officer that pulled them over. I'm thinking no big loss really.

-"No thank you. I can get this door myself."-me, anytime a man tries to open the door for me.

-The scene ends with a shot of the collie in the bushes. This will begin True Blood's "subtle" approach.

Nothing to see here!

OPENING CREDITS

LAFAYETTE'S DISPENSARY
-Tara comes busting in and throwing stuff at Lafayette for selling V to Jason.

-"Giving V to Jason Stackhouse is like giving Ho Ho's to a diabetic."

STACKHOUSE HOUSE
-Gran is getting the telephonic version of hate mail about Bill's talk at the Descendants of the Glorious Dead meeting scheduled for that night.

-"You will go to hell for this."
"Alright, same to you!"

Sidenote: With her two tone hair Gran looks like Rogue as a senior.

-Sookie continues to make the same arguments about Bill not being human. If only something would happen that would make her set her mind straight.

JASON'S HOUSE
-Jason gives us a visual approximation of what getting his penis drained looked like.

Even True Blood has limits to what it will put on air. 

-Lafayette lets it slip that Tara has been in love with Jason for ages. It's probably revenge for her waking him up.

-Always the entrepreneur, Lafayett'e convinces Jason that he needs to try V juice again. 

-"Christ, I can't believe I'm doing this again."-Neither can we Jason.

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-Arlene is positively gloating that Sookie is in the outs with Bill. She describes the clientele at Fangtasia as "a lot of freaks...and people from Arkansas." This is perhaps a jab at Charlaine Harris the author of the Sookie Stackhouse books.

-Sam puts Sookie on the spot by asking her to the Descendants of the Glorious Dead meeting for a date. She responds with a resounding "Why not?".

I can think of all sorts of reason why.

-Andy decides to pump Sookie on information about Tara and Jason. Sookie loses her temper and basically tells Andy that she can read his mind. Honestly, how has Sookie been able to last this long without letting it slip to the whole town is beyond me.

-When Sookie tries to listen into Tara's thought all she's thinking is "la, la, la, la, la." It's the sound I make when Bill talks.

To be fair she could also be doing that as well.

 CHURCH

-The bit where Maxine and Hoyt try to remove the cross is pretty funny. Spoiler, it may the only time Maxine tries to be politically correct. 

Work it!

-Adele plays stupid about the Mayor's fears of having Bill talk to a group of people. I understand projecting confidence, but let's not act like everybody isn't thinking the same thing.

-Bill is listening in like a huge creeper.

-Sookie and Sam awkwardly take a seat next to Tara. "Sure come on in. Could always use more white people."

-A redneck makes the joke "descendants of the walking dead." It won't be funny for two more years. 

-When Sam tells Sookie to relax, it's basically like telling a girl to smile. I hate him for it. 

Somehow I think I'll forgive him.

-Bill comes up on stage and removes the flag from the cross. We all clutch our pearls.

"Oh my stars and garters."

-See the Spoiler section for my analysis of Bill speaking to the town.

-Bill talks about his time in the Civil War. Sheriff Bud Dearborn makes the completely accurate statement, "That son of a buck's been killing since the 1860's." I realize that I don't know American history at all.

-"No darling we're white. He's dead."

-The redneck's idea of stirring shit up is to mince some garlic.

BILL'S HISTORICAL FLASHBACK

-No offence to Mr. Humphries, but Tolliver sounds like an absolute dumbass. 

-Ok I know I rag on Bill a lot (he deserves it), but it was actually really nice of him to tell that story. 

PRESENT DAY CHURCH

-We learn that vampires cry blood. When they sneeze does blood come out?

-Bill continues to improve in my opinion by hugging it out with Terry who really needs it. 

-Pro: Hoyt poses for the photo like this. 

"This is going on the mantle!"

-Bill tries to put a stop to Sam and Sookie dating by sounding like HR. "You're Sookie's employer." "Not when we're off duty." "No, legally you still are."

-Gran ain't got time for this shit.

These are literally some of her last moments.

 MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-I'm going to have to steal Meredith Woerner's (from io9.com) line about characters getting high in True Blood. It will always be more fun to do drugs than to watch the characters acting high.

CRAWDAD'S RESTAURANT 

-Sookie makes us realizes that Sam is super suspicious beyond rolling around in a dead girl's bed. 

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-You guys really just need the whole video (opens in new window).

-"Bitch you come in my house, you gonna eat my food the way I fucking make it. Tip yo' waitress."-me, every time I cook for my family.

I also wear the same outfit.

CRAWDAD'S RESTAURANT
-Sam finally gets to kiss Sookie! He immediately ruins it for being jealous and p(r)etty.

-"You have no future with a vampire!"
"They don't die! I've got nothing but a future with one."-ha

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL
-This is how Hoyt...dances?

He calls it "keeping it real".

-Jason on V sounds like a douchey motivational speaker: "Only thing holding you back *finger gun* is you."

BILL'S HOUSE
-We're almost threatened with another Bill flashback, but luckily Bud and Andy save us.

-The way that Bill tells Andy that Frescas are for guest is the way you tell a three year old not to touch nice things.

-Once again the internet proves that I can't have nice things, by not providing me with a screencap of William Sanderson's vampire hand motion. The man's hands are the real actors.

-Bill gives Bud some pretty "come hither" eyes when he says that sex with a vampire is common.

*wink* *nudge*

-Word of the day: exsanguinate.

-I instantly go back to hating Bill again, because he served Andy a warm Fresca. Rude.

FLASHBACK
-Lorena has always been a crazy bitch. She kept the motherfucking corpses!

-Bill proves that he's always been a stick in the mud.

-Bill's not allowed to see his wife and kids again, but don't worry viewer we will be seeing them again in many pointless flashbacks.

BILL'S HOUSE
-Bill loses his shit on some old timey toaster.

It knows what it did wrong.

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL
-We were almost in danger of having an episode where Jason doesn't have sex with anything (himself included.)

STACKHOUSE HOUSE

This wouldn't have happened if she was the elderly Rogue.

END

-Musical moment of the night? Well there wasn't one for this episode, so instead enjoy "Sukie in the Graveyard" by Belle and Sebastian

SPOILERS
-When Lafayette discusses the type of vampire the V is from he's basically discussing Eddie the vampire.

-So I would argue that the real reason that Bill is at the DOGD meeting isn't to impress Sookie. It isn't really even about talking about the Civil War. What it's really about is Bill creating good PR for the vampire community. He dispels some myths (cross, photos), makes some jokes, and shows that vampires are basically harmless textbooks. This is a dangerous Bill. The perception of Bill as a "good" vampire drives Bill to do some horrible and crazy things.

-The boy crying out in the field during the Civil War is a Bellefleur.

-We will see the flashback of Bill's family taking the photo that Mayor Norris gives him. It's pretty pointless beyond things coming full circle which is symbolic without depth.

Screencaps procured from Home of the Nutty.

As always comments are appreciated!

True Blood 1.04- "Escape from Dragon House"

written by: Brian Buckner
directed by: Michael Lehmann

Friendly disclaimer: The first picture will always be of Eric and Pam if they're in scene together in the episode. #sorrynotsorry

DAWN'S
-Picking up where we left off Dawn is dead in her bed and Sookie is screaming for help while standing around.

-While pity won't help Dawn now, Sookie laments, "Sweetie, what did you get yourself into?" I actually like Sookie for it.

-Jason arrives with flowers which is sweet and alcohol which is not really.

On the plus side he's all ready to poor some for his homie.

OPENING CREDITS

OUTSIDE DAWN'S
-Arlene once again proves that there's not too much to do in Bon Temp except go to Merlotte's and stand outside crime scenes

-Maxine Fortenberry epitomizes our reaction to horrible things. The realisation that they are indeed horrible, but the inability to focus on anything else.

Just the group of people you want talking about your grizzly murder.

-I think Maxine stole that fan from Lafayette.

INSIDE DAWN'S

-Sheriff Bud Dearborn questions Sookie, but Sookie can't keep other people's thoughts out. It must be annoying to her, because it sure is annoying to me. 

-Jason thinks that he's "too damned pretty to go to prison." It's no surprise that I agree.

OUTSIDE DAWN'S

-Maxine tries to impress the peanut gallery with the line, "I feel like a cat on a hot tin roof...That's from a play."Arlene's persistence that Renee get the nice dollies is more impressive.

-"If all of our conversations end with them saying 'fine,' why do they bother putting up a fight?"

INSIDE DAWN'S

-Andy questions the nosy neighbor who refuses to say the word "bitch". Sorry lady, but this is True Blood  and if you can't curse you're worthless to the writers.

"But don't worry guys. We'll still use the word bitch!"

-Sidenote: The way Bud and Andy take notes about the murder is the exact way I take notes for these recaps.

OUTSIDE DAWN'S
-Andy brings a handcuffed Jason out to the cop car. Jason reiterates the fact that's he's as adorable and stupid as a dog by complaining that Andy didn't turn on the AC for him.

-Jason realizes that he still has a mess of V on him so he gets rid of it the only way he can think of: drinking the entire thing. Nevermind that he hides the vial in the cushion, which is just as damning.

Pictured: Thinking things through.

-Andy and Jason leave just as Sam arrives. Sam sits down with Sookie and they decide that the best way to honour Dawn is to open up the bar. I'd like it to be known that the best way to honour me when I die is to drunk dial an ex.

-Mike Spencer and his assistant take Dawn's body out of her house. His assistant will later become the wheelchair kid from Glee.

It's pretty much the same audience right?

POLICE DEPARTMENT
-Bud and Andy are back to their favorite hobby of interrogating Jason about his dead lovers. Like beating a dead horse.

-"You're trying to trick me! It don't count if I get tricked...Does it?"

-Jason gets a super erection which must be super awkward. As a lady I know nothing of this.

-Jason goes to the bathroom to relieve himself, while Bud and Andy go back and forth whether Jason did it or not. The noises coming from the bathroom will not further any other suspicions that Jason is a sex freak.

The paper towel dispenser knows the truth.

-Tara comes busting in to be Jason's saviour and manages to call Bud and Andy out on their terrible policing and racism.

-"School is just for white people looking for other white people to read to them."-As someone with a Master's degree I can confirm this is the truth. Except the white people turned on the movies for me.

-Tara gets Jason off the hook by daydreaming aloud that they spent the night together.

Jason't face says "eat shit"

STACKHOUSE HOUSE
-Gran wants Sookie to listen in at the bar and see if she can figure out who really killed Dawn and Maudette. But if Sookie figures that out now, what will take up the rest of the season?!

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL
-Sookie listens to people's thoughts and confirms that people are awful. Has she never read the comments on a youtube video?

-Sam casts stones in glass houses by accusing Tara of carrying a torch for a Stackhouse.

JASON'S HOUSE
-Jason masturbates to get rid of his super erection while wearing his "clean up" towel around his neck. Gross.

Please tell me this is just a blister.

-Jason shows that he's actually a human being by becoming remorseful about Dawn's death.

MERLOTTE'S
-Sweet, beautiful Hoyt.

-Jason seeks out Lafayette to complain about the V. Lafayette does not appreciate Jason coming to his place of employment to talk about the drugs he sold Jason, which is weird. All of my previous places of employment were where the drugs were sold!

-"I've got gout of the dick!"

-Bill comes into Merlotte's and he's about as welcome as clothes on Jason's body.

Someone cannot read the room.

-The writer's once again prove that they've had previous experience in customer service, when they make Arlene give Bill what he asks for in the bitchiest way possible.

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL PARKING LOT
-Sookie convinces Bill to take her to the vampire bar, Fangtasia, in Shreveport.

-Sookie tells Bill it's not a date and even Jason wouldn't be fooled.

INSIDE MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL
-Sookie let's Sam know that she'll be leaving with Bill to go to the vamp bar. Sam looks like his worst fear has been realized.

"All of this feathering for nothing!"

-Sam lashes out by being a speciest (?) dick.

BILL'S CAR
-Bill compliments Sookie by telling her she looks like "vampire bait."

She is showing a lot of neck.

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL
-Tara sets the scene by ranting "this ain't part of my job description, goddamnit!"

-Tara walks in on Jason with a raw steak on his penis. See previous comment.

-Jason rats out Lafayette (not cool) and Tara realizes this explains the dance she saw him do yesterday. "Without a reason that was some fucked up shit." I'll argue that it's still fucked up shit even with a reason.

-Tara also gives us our word of the day: "priapism". Now go use it in a sentence!

If your priapism lasts longer for four hours put a steak on it?

FANGTASIA
-Sookie gets carded on the way into Fangtasia. We learn that she is 25. "How sweet it is".

-Fangtasia offers a lot to look at. First we've got the coroner assistant/Glee wheelchair kid showing his true colours.

Not the one with the boobs.

-Second the George Bush fan art.

A pretty accurate portrayal.

-Finally, terrible pop and locking vampires. Thankfully a .gif is unavailable.

-Sookie notices Eric, because duh, and Bill sounds like a whiney bitch about it.

Duh.

HOSPITAL
-Jason has finally gone to a hospital and the doctor tries to figure out what caused his penis to look like an "eggplant".

-The doctor hints around at some drugs Jason might have taken and when he gets to V Jason becomes Lady Macbeth...because he doth protest too much.

-Tara agrees to stay with Jason while the blood gets drained out of his penis."I ain't gonna be the same after this." "Uh, you're not?!"

MERLOTT'E'S BAR AND GRILL
-Arlene asks Sam to walk her out to her car, but makes it clear she's never been with a vamp.

-Sam does and grabs some latex gloves before he leaves. That won't be important later!

FANGTASIA
-"How come no one will fuck me? I got a dog collar too!"-ha

-Eric summons them over. I'm wondering what took Sookie so long.

I, on the other hand, will be right there!

-Eric and Pam interrogate Bill and Sookie and the vamps show us what real chemistry looks like.

-Also Sookie finds out some stuff about Maudette and Dawn. Or whatever.

-Fun fact, Eric and Pam's Swedish conversation goes something like this:
"Our little zoo is starting to grow." "I know."

-Sookie stupidly shows off her telepathy in front of vampires again by realizing there is an undercover cop at Fangtasia who is about to perform a raid.

-Eric and Pam escape by skateboarding out.

Guys I'm really going to have to work on my .gif-ing skills

TARA'S FLASHBACK
-Her mom has always been a drunk and Jason saved her once. That's why she saves him in this episode. SEE?!

BILL'S CAR
-Bill and Sookie get pulled over and the cop asks to shine a flashlight on Sookie's neck. The cop deserves Bill making him pee himself.

DAWN'S
-Sam shows us that he needed the gloves to sneak into Dawn's place to sniff her sheets. He should have brought a hair net too.

What I'm saying is evidence will now be everywhere.

-Musical moment: "That Smell" by Lynard Skynyrd. Plays while Sam sniffs the sheets.

END

SPOILERS
-I would have included Bill's line about puns being the highest form of humour, because I love puns. However, it turns out that Ginger actually gave Fangtasia it's name, not an old timey vampire.

-Eric says that it's been a long time since he's seen Bill. Perhaps not since Bill was killing human Pam's prostitutes in San Francisco.

Screencaps procured from Home of the Nutty

Did I forget anything. Let me know in the comments!

True Blood 1.03- "Mine"

written by: Alan Ball
directed by: John Dahl

No apologies

BILL'S HOUSE
-We pick up right were we left off at Bill's house where Sookie encounters some real vampires.

-Sookie shows she has no sense of self preservation by informing the scary vampires that they can't glamour her. I'm sure they'll forget about her now!

-Apparently Bill was trying to convince the other vampires that synthetic blood is the best. Like everything Bill does, no one is interested.

-Diane points out that Sookie is a virgin. Probably not easy to get into the mood when you know what your bedfellow is really thinking.

-"Sookeh is mahn!"- the pronunciation to launch a thousand parodies.

Bill's

OPENING CREDITS

BILL'S HOUSE

-Malcolm (?) calls his human "mad money". Is that show still on?

-"Someone needs to get down on my johnson."

-Diane is still trying to feed off Sookie, but Bill reiterates that Sookie is his. "Yeah, yeah we got it."

-We get a flashback from Jerry aka Mad Money. His boyfriend left him because he was addicted to V, so Jerry decides to get infected with Hep D. It's harmless to humans, but makes vampires weak. Jerry is a dick.

-See the Spoiler section for more on Hep D.

-After the bald headed, tattooed vampire "finishes up", the rest decide it's time to leave. 

Spoiler: This episode has a lot of sex in it. Get used to it.

-Sookie finally grows a backbone towards Bill and tells him that he can't have a kiss.

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-Tara and Sam lament about Bill and Sookie's growing relationship, because even when she's not in a scene we need to know what's going on with Sookie at all times.

-Tara complains that Bill didn't even apologize for his family owning slaves. I don't think I'm allowed to comment, because I'm pretty white, but I don't know who is in the wrong. 

HOUSE OF SEX DAWN'S

-Dawn returns home to find out that Jason is no longer tied to the bed. 

-He is, however, tricking her into thinking he's a vamp attacker. 

-After all this foreplay, Jason and Dawn get back to having sex, because none of this shit is worth a real discussion when you can be having sex instead.

"Two people of your rankings in this small a room with this type of lighting and his upper body....all the more important to keep it tasteful."-Source

STACKHOUSE HOUSE

-I'd make a snarky comment about Sookie having a melt down in the car, but in all honesty who hasn't been there. Why is the car such a great place to cry in?

Seen here: All of us at some point

-Bill sneaks up on Sookie again and she decides to misplace her anger and verbally attack him for being a vampire. 

-Bill's best explanation for why vampires and humans are "alive" is magic. He might of well should have just done this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

SAM'S TRAILER

-Tara opens up about the love/hate relationship with her alcoholic mother. She sums it up pretty nicely: "I know she may end up dying...lighting herself on fire with a lit cigarette, but...I can't. I won't. So, see, not only is this whole situation horrible, my guilt about it just makes it that much worse." It's a good insight into Tara.

-Sam and Tara decide to take a page out of Dawn and Jason's book and have sex. 

-"That's a terrible idea."

"Doesn't matter, had sex!"

HOUSE OF SEX DAWN'S
-Jason and Dawn are still doing the horizontal tango, until Jason imagines Dawn as the bald headed vampire he saw on Maudette's video tape.

-Lynn Collins (Dawn) is absolutely marvellous in this scene and Alan Ball has given her some pretty good lines to work with.

-Dawn says that she's not ashamed that she let a vamp bite her (good for her!) and tells Jason to get off his high horse just because he lost his hard on. Jason refuses to leave and Dawn gets her gun.

Dawn has now managed to out sexy Jason even while wearing animal print.

-"You are obnoxious and full of yourself and dumber than a box of hair. And now you can't even get it up? There's no reason why I should be seeing you anymore."

-Jason leaves telling Dawn's neighbor that Dawn is "a crazy bitch" and it's pretty weak.

SOOKIE'S DREAM
-Sookie has another dream about getting it on with Bill, but like 99% of sex dreams she wakes up before the good stuff actually happens.

Tina, the cat, knows what's up though.

SAM'S TRAILER
-Tara wakes up to Sam whimpering in his sleep. Probably nothing.

JASON'S HOUSE
-Jason finally spends the night at his own house and there's nothing on the tv except the thing he wants to forget: vampires.

-New character alert! Steve Newlin! Fun side note, Michael McMillian and I went to the same school district in high school. Of course not at the same time, but there is definitely a "friend of friend's friend" situation if the need ever arises.

Making Alexander Skarsgård a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend!

THE VAMPIRE NEST
-Bill goes over to Diane, Malcolm, and Liam's vampire nest and Malcolm calls Bill "everyone's favorite buzzkill". Looks like Bill just got a new title on this recap!

-Everyone's Favorite Buzzkill and Malcolm hint around that there is some kind of vampire hierarchy. See Spoiler section for more.

-Diane insults Sookie by calling her a "breather". All I can think about is Mouth Breather in Wonderfalls.

-Liam, the bald vampire, does some more talking. He's one of those people whose voice doesn't match their bodies.

SAM'S TRAILER
-Sam wakes up to Tara being gone. Did he expect anything else?

TARA'S HOUSE
-We finally have the pleasure of meeting Tara's mom, Lettie Mae and she's quite the charmer!

That's what I call Bible Thumping!

-Lettie Mae wins us over with lines such as "You sass the lord and I will kick your skinny ass!" and "Who's ugly now!" as she hits Tara with a liquor bottle.

-Tara rightly decides to peace the fuck out.

STACKHOUSE HOUSE
-Sookie tells Gran that she won't be seeing Everyone's Favorite Buzzkill anymore. Gran asks if he's "done something untowards?" Gran and Everyone's Favorite Buzzkill would be a really cute couple.

LAFAYETTE'S HOUSE
-Tara seeks medical attention from Lafayette and he prescribes 2 Vicodins and a glass of red wine. That's how I cure all my problems too!

The doctor is in.

-A State Senator whose name is definitely Duke Smith makes no illusions that Lafayette is definitely an entrepreneur and nothing untowards is going on with these characters.

-Tara spills the beans about sleeping with Sam and his whimpering habits. Lafayette replies that "white folks just all fucked up." That we are Lafayette, that we are.

SAM'S TRAILER
-Sam and the collie are seen in the same shot together, so there's no way Sam is the collie...right?

This will throw them off the trail!

STACKHOUSE HOUSE
-Sookie recounts that Arlene said people are less calcium deficient with all the milk people put in coffee now. I have definitely used this as a "fact" before. Sorry science!

-Sookie has a heart to heart with Gran about whether she should see Everyone's Favorite Buzz-kill and I know I should care, but honestly this episode is doing nothing for me and I just want it to be over.

-Gran thickens the plot by saying that her husband was able to "know" things, but his friend/relation just ended up killing himself anyways and it's pretty funny.

LAFAYETTE'S HOUSE
-Jason comes to Lafayette for some Viagra. Has Jason never received a spam email?

-Like a good drug dealer Lafayette convinces Jason that he needs some V instead. That way he'll get "wood so hard a saw couldn't cut through it." That's good I guess?

-Lafayette doesn't run a layaway program so Jason is going have to pay for his V by being videotaped dancing in nothing but his underwear.

I've paid for a lot of things this way.

-Lafayette continues with some winning lines saying that there are "a lot of pervs in this town" and that Jason's "gonna make me clutch my pearls!"

-Musical moment of the episode: "Soccer Practice" by The Gay Pimp. It's the song Jason dances to.

BILL'S EVERYONE'S FAVORITE BUZZKILL'S HOUSE
-Sookie for some reason comes to Bill's house to masturbate on his porch. Don't expect an explanation because you won't get one.

-Sam thankfully interrupts Sookie by calling her to ask her to go get Dawn to work proving he's definitely in upper management.

DAWN'S HOUSE
-Goodbye you gun wielding firecracker!

RIP

END

SPOILERS
-So as we know Hep D will become a major plot point in the sixth and seventh season, but don't expect it to be mentioned before then! Also it will end up being called Hep V, they might have explained that but Alexander Skarsgård may have been on the screen and my attention was diverted elsewhere.

-Most people have not read the comics, but there is one where Jason reveals that he was raped by his teacher in high school. It's something that I really wish they would have brought into the show, because while it's great to see Ryan Kwanten naked we can already tell that he doesn't have the healthiest of sex lives.

-This episode marks the first time Jason fantasises (though that's the wrong word for this episode) about having sex with a vampire. Good news. It won't be the last...by a long shot.

-Malcolm mentions Eric, who will be in the next episode, though I don't know how long it will be until he is revealed as the Sheriff of Area 5. Malcolm also tiptoes around Vampire Queen of Louisiana, Sophie-Ann. He does say that she can "suck on sunlight" though!

As always screencaps were procured from Home of the Nutty.

Think I left something out? Let me know in the comments!