True Blood 2.12- "Beyond Here Lies Nothin'"

written by: Alexander Woo
directed by: Michael Cuesta

Where did he imprint on that bull?

SOOKIE'S MARYANN'S

-Spoiler, that egg doesn't mean shit.

-"Take off your clothes."-That's probably the first time Lafayette's ever said that to a woman. 

-Maryann continues to destroy Sookie's memories of her home by wearing Gran's wedding dress. At least Sookie gets to be the maid of honor? 

Where are all these white dresses coming from?

OPENING CREDITS

SOOKIE'S MARYANN'S

-Jane, Tara, and Arlene make up the combination of "old, new, and blue."

Yes, but which is which?

-"And those are my friends...plus Jane Bodehouse."

-Maryann wants the (spoiler) fairylights and Sookie tries; "That's hitting me." Who knows Maryann has jokes?

-Guys, did you know Sookie is a waitress?

FORTENBERRY HOME

-Hoyt has rube goldberg-ed himself an alarm in case Maxine leaves. 

With yarn!

-For his troubles Maxine calls him Norman Bates. 

SOOKIE'S MARYANN'S

-Blah, blah, god stuff, blah, blah.

-Maryann calls Sam the ideal wedding gift. 

Hear, hear.

-Maryann has a lot more faith in Sookie and Sam's relationship if she thinks Sookie's the reason Sam will come a-runing to her.

QUEEN SOPHIE ANNE'S PALACE

-Eric is sporting some serious heavage.

Something's got to get me through all this yahtzee talk.

-It's weird seeing Eric be so humble. Go back to being a badass!

-Is "gospel or gorilla shit" a real saying or just one of those things Southern people say and act like everybody knows what they're talking about.

-Eric is stronger and older than Sophie Anne. Why isn't he King of Louisiana then?

-Eric sucks at yahtzee. I'm sure he makes up for that in other areas. 

See you next season Eric!

SOOKIE'S MARYANN'S

-Jason continues to be really terrible at quoting things; "I love the smell of nail polish in the morning."

-Oops, I messed up with my last recap, Jason and Andy become "zombies" in this episode, not the last. It becomes even more pointless.

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-Bill wanted to glamour Arlene's children. There are some very interesting moral implications behind this.

-I honestly believe that Sam would sacrifice himself.

For the town, not just Sookie no matter how much she needs to believe that.

SOOKIE'S MARYANN'S

-"What's with the egg? Did you lay it?"

That would be the most interesting thing she's done all season.

-Lafayette gets to be a bridesmaid too.

-Everything is coming to a head with the meat man and the god who comes; "Worship him bitches!"

-Maryann gives us some Greek history and it's as interesting as it sounds. 

-Ok, who got to unbutton Sam's shirt?

I call dibs for next time!

-Eggs stabs Sam. Just when I thought I couldn't hate him more.

-Sookie takes the time to admonishes the townspeople while Sam is bleeding out. Ugh.

-Maryann's death gives a new meaning to the phrase bull riding (zing!) But seriously, she got a great death for such an annoying character.

"Somewhere out there Tim Burton just got a boner."-Source

-Oh look Bill did something shitty, but still gets to be the good guy. This won't get old.

-"Get everyone off my lawn."-Sookie just became an old lady.

FORTENBERRY HOME

-The truth finally catches up with Maxine and we all have to agree when Hoyt says, "I wish that Jessica had finished you off."

MARYANN'S SOOKIE'S

-Everyone is confused as to why the climax happened halfway through the episode...I mean as to why they're at Sookie's.

-Bud decides to reinstate Andy because he "might have [his] faults, but at least [he's] got pants on."

Having pants on is a fault in my book.

-A doe passes by and Sam misses Daphne. Why? She wanted to murder the fuck out of him.

-Eggs is not handling what might or might not have happened well. Why can't he be like the rest of us and just chalk up blood on our hands to the best night ever that you can't remember?

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-Hey there's Charlaine Harris, the author of the Sookie Stackhouse books. 

Hey, here's me and Charlaine Harris. I miss that skirt.

-Arlene is making up for being a shitty mom by giving her kids lots of food. Food is comfort.

-"Yep I'm pretty sure he's dead."

-Those two gossipy cows are back to let the audience know that the town doesn't know what's up, however, I have to agree with the lady who says, "I'll wear [Sam] like a scrunchie."

-"Everybody been acting so crazy I forgot how stupid they were."

And I forgot how beautiful Lafayette's side eye is.

-Jason and Andy are talking about how they saved the town, but they didn't do shit..

-"If a tree falls in the woods, it's still a tree ain't it?"

-Bill sends Sookie a present, a dress for her to wear. That's not controlling at all. 

Anyone else shocked he didn't write this in cursive?

-Eggs wants his memories back, but I'd pay to have my memories of the Maryann storyline removed.

-Sookie decides to give Eggs his memories, because we have to get him out of the show somehow. One of the memories is Maryann and Eggs killing Miss Jeanette in the woods him and Tara found. Shouldn't Tara have recognized the woods though?

BILL'S HOUSE

-Bill is accosting Jessica on her way out like the only thing he knows about fathers is 60s television sitcoms.

WHO KNOWS WHERE

-Sam has an impressive array of belt buckles.

I hope you guys never get tired of me sexualizing Sam Trammell.

-"Never say never when there's the internet."-Amen.

-Sam wants to know where his birth family is and says he's not at his foster family for an apology. Apparently, he's there to make them feel like shit though.

-I want those dying old man's pillows.

"Brighter than sunflowers."-Source

BILL'S HOUSE

-Hoyt realizes what a mistake he's made and brings flowers to Jessica. Shockingly, she lied to Bill though so she's no where to be seen.

TRUCK STOP

-Just kidding she's at a truck stop being a vampire lot lizard! 

I've always wanted to use the phrase "lot lizard".

FRENCH RESTAURANT

-I've never understood the concept of converting old houses into restaurants. Much like different foods on my plate, I don't need the lines of house and restaurant to mix.

-I'll be honest. It looks like it would be a lot of fun to dance with Bill.

Tell no one.

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-Eggs is even stupider than I thought he was, coming after Andy with a knife in his hands. He's black, cops don't need any more of a reason to shoot him!

-Oh Jason.

-Ugh Tara.

FRENCH RESTAURANT

-Bill proposes to Sookie. They've known each other a month and he's over 100 years old. I think he can wait a little longer to pop the question.

-Sookie goes to the bathroom to make up her mind. All the best decisions are made in the toilet. 

-Bill is kidnapped and hopefully it's not by the Fellowship of the Sun.

And hopefully he'll stay gone.

END

-Musical Moment of the Night: "Beyond Here Lies Nothin'" by Bob Dylan. Plays during the closing credits.

So there's the second season of True Blood. I really loved the Dallas plot, but the Maryann plot really brought down the second season. Luckily, the third season is better and has some really great characters: Russell, Talbot, Franklin. 

Just a keep note about what'll be going on with the blog this weekend. Tomorrow/today I'll be posting my favorite episodes of each season of new Doctor Who. I'll begin recapping the third season of True Blood and Sunday (hopefully) I'll begin recapping the eighth season of Doctor Who as it airs.

SPOILERS

-I don't understand why Jason fell under Maryann's spell. Unless it has to do with Warlow then I'll have to wait to not be confused, because I don't remember much of that season. 

-Sam's foster mom says that his birth family are bad people. They are. He should really listen to her.

-In case you're wondering how the Maryann thing goes down in the books, Maryann is called Callisto and does scratch Sookie. However, she does fuck all while everyone is in Dallas. When Sookie gets back from Dallas she is investigating who killed Lafayette and figures that a group of people who have an orgy knows what's up. She gets invited and brings Eric along because Bill is out of town and why wouldn't you bring Eric to an orgy? Eric wears pink lycra. So she goes to the orgy (that Tara and Eggs are attending) and figures out that they're all responsible for Lafayette's death. Callisto comes because sex and death is her thing and kills everybody but Tara then she leaves. I prefer the book's version.

Here's an Eric .gif for sticking through that.

Home of the Nutty helps makes these recaps possible even if they don't know it.

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Leave a comment if you have any changes you'd like to see for the third season recaps!

True Blood 2.11- "Frenzy"

written by: Alan Ball
directed by: Daniel Minahan

The dream(y) team is back!

QUEEN SOPHIE ANNE'S PALACE

-We finally get to meet the Queen of Louisiana.

Whose fangs are as ridiculous as her acting.

OPENING CREDITS

BILL'S HOUSE

-I get that Hoyt is upset about Jessica biting Maxine, but he's always been really understandable about Jess' vampirism. It's kind of like, where is this coming from Hoyt?

QUEEN SOPHIE ANNE'S PALACE

-Sophie Anne calls Bill a snob. It's a bit rich coming from her, but it's not inaccurate.

-"Cannibalism?" 

"We suspect."- I may dislike Bill, but Stephen Moyer has great comedic timing. 

-Sophie Anne explains maenads by saying, "everything that exists imagined itself into existence." It's as if the audience is suppose to buy that and forget about all the shitty plot holes the Maryann storyline has caused.

-Sophie Anne jokes about having sex with Bill. 

That's nothing to joke about.

LAFAYETTE'S DISPENSARY

-Tara still wants to rescue Eggs and Lafayette and Sookie realize what a bad idea that is. Tara, however, asks Sookie, "How many times have you put yourself in danger for the man you love? How come you get that option and I don't?" She's not wrong, but it's not smart either.

-Tara then turns into a really spiteful bitch who has to be handcuffed. Here starts the falling apart of her and Sookie's friendship.

At least the handcuffs are furry.

-Lettie Mae, who has done fuck all, continues to do fuck all and just cries. As Tara puts it, "This ain't happening to you!"

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-Hey sober Andy, long time no see.

-Jason describes Kevin as "that squirrelly one". Jason should be in charge of all adjectives from now on.

-Jason decides to deal with the Maryann situation with Andy and takes all of his hilarious misquotes with him.

-Are Lisa and Coby the only kids in this town?

Besides Hoyt.

LAFAYETTE'S DISPENSARY

-Tara is laying down the guilt trip hard on Lettie Mae. She's shown to have a strong constitution so I'm sure it won't effect her.

-Ok, it's time to retire "satan in a sunday hat." We get it. 

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-Sam fixes the kids a sandwich on WHITE BREAD. Is Bon Temps out of multigrain? 

-I like to imagine that Eric and Sam have to go to all these boring Supe business bureau meetings with room temperature Tru Blood and stale donuts.

Someone make this happen.

LAFAYETTE'S DISPENSARY

-"Somebody need to slap that bitch."-Sookie lies when says she slapped Eric.

-I'm glad I'm not the only one who talks to their friend about Alexander Skarsgård sex dreams.

But am I Lafayette or Sookie in this scenario?

-Why is Sookie surprised that Lettie Mae shot at cats? That woman is pointing a gun at her nephew. She's terrible.

-For a minute I'm wondering if Lafayette shouted "riddikulus" and that's why we're seeing Eric in Lettie Mae's clothes.

Gotta keep the boggarts at bay.

-Sookie, the last line of defense, gives Tara her car keys because everyone is being stupid in this episode.

POLICE STATION

-Jason is weirdly fascinated by the possibilities of Sam's shifter sex life.

-Jason distracts Rosie with the best weapon in his arsenal: his sexuality.

-Andy makes his way to the weapons and finds Bud doing his best Yosemite Sam impression.

Minus pants, of course.

LAFAYETTE'S DISPENSARY

-Suck it bitch!

FANGTASIA

-Sam has been waiting outside in the car with Arlene kids for Eric to wake up. Didn't he read the sign?

Sorry We're...Deaf?

-Sam bribes Ginger with $100 dollars. That'll buy a lot cut offs.

LAFAYETTE'S CAR

-Lafayette seems like he's had to hold a gun and drive a car at the same time before.

-Um Sookie, Lafayette is sucking it up.

With a gun.

SOOKIE'S MARYANN'S

-Tara's plan to get Eggs fails miserably and she's back to being a "zombie." What was even the point of her being rescued?

-Also it was Tara's fault that Maryann came. Not feeling any love for Tara right now.

POLICE STATION

-Jason's only messed around with one passed out girl, though she wasn't that way when they started. I'm surprised the number isn't higher. 

-Andy didn't get a bulletproof vest for Jason. Dick move.

FORTENBERRY HOUSE

-Look at those childhood pictures of Hoyt!

And the baseball frame!

-Maxine puts potato chips on everything. I'm surprised Hoyt isn't 300 pounds.

-Maxine wants to bring a box of chardonnay to Maryann's. 

-"That man just liked to dance more than a normal man should."

-Hoyt's dad killed himself, not died stopping a robber like Maxine said. 

Or by Maxine's cooking.

SOOKIE'S MARYANN

-Sookie and Lafayette go on about the evils of man. Guys we've been watching this show for two seasons and a lot of characters are terrible. We know what's up.

-Arlene and Terry sitting in a tree...demanding pants as a toll.

-Lafayette starts throwing drugs around like it's Mardi Gras and Arlene and Terry have their tops off.

"You got to pay the troll's toll to get into the boy's soul."-Source

FANGTASIA

-I imagine Eric lounges around Fangtasia like that all the time.

-Pam and Sam both give perfect reactions to Eric asking Sam, "Can you give me Sookie Stackhouse?"

Mine is a mixture of the two.

-I need Pam's jumpsuit like yesterday.

-"Our almost stepdaddy hated vampires, but we don't."

"He went on a vacation with Jesus."-Kids say the darndest things.

-Pam's line of the night: "You make me so happy I never had any of you." You and me both Pam.

-Eric calls kids "tea cup humans", gives a saucy wink, and flies away. He's on fire tonight.

Delicious indeed.

SOOKIE'S MARYANN'S

-Ok we get it. Everyone is speaking Latin. 

-Jane Bodehouse cuts off part of her finger and Mike Spencer wants to sex up Sookie. I watched this episode a few days ago and I'm still cringing. 

QUEEN SOPHIE ANNE'S PALACE

-Also cringe inducing: Bill in a bathing suit.

-Sophie Anne is out-boring Bill in an attempt to keep him from leaving.

SOOKIE'S MARYANN'S

-NOOOOOOOO!!!!! Not Carl!

You glorious orgy refereeing bastard.

QUEEN SOPHIE ANNE'S PALACE

-Everyone is playing yahtzee. You're immortal and yahtzee is the best you can come up with?

-Sophie Anne was pulling off the cat's eye look before it came back in style.

-The human beige wall is Hadley, Sookie's cousin.

I really can't think of any other way to describe her.

-Eric lands as Bill is leaving and his hair is delightfully messed up.

-Eric calls Bill out on him rather forcibly giving Sookie his blood. How does Eric know about it?

The only thing they have in common.

SOOKIE'S MARYANN'S

-Jason and Andy are carbo-loading in Jason's car.

-Jason calls Andy out for all his Stackhouse hate and claims, "I ain't taking any pussy away from you." He then goes on to say that he's good at sex because of all the porn he studies. 

-They go to save the town and immediately they become "zombies." Seriously, there's another plot that in the end meant nothing.

Except a new bromace!

SAM'S TRAILER

-Bill shows up probably not to make things better.

SOOKIE'S MARYANN'S

-Sookie tries to turn her life into a cartoon and hits Mike over the head with a frying pan.

-Sookie walks into a man wearing the dress she wore to Fangtasia. Who wore it better?

-There's an egg on Sookie's bed and Lafayette is a "zombie."

END

I didn't have a musical moment for the episode so here's the season two promo with Depeche Mode's "Corrupt". Fun story, it was the print ads of this that convinced me to watch the show. The rest is history.

SPOILERS

-You may notice that The Queen mentions Sookie's name before Bill does. Hadley told The Queen about Sookie and The Queen sent Bill to procure her. Bill also seems to know who Hadley is already.

-Lettie Mae tells Tara, "You don't want true love." Her husband wanted to wave a gun about during her daughters birthday party so she knows what she's talking about.

-Eric makes Bill think he has the upper hand about Eric selling V and he threatens to tell the Queen. The Queen, of course, already knows.

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True Blood 2.10- "New World in My View"

written by: Kate Barnow and Elisabeth R. Finch
directed by: Adam Davidson

Real gods have horns.

SOOKIE'S SEX DREAM

-Apparently Sookie finds a vulnerable Eric sexy, because in her sexy times dream he's crying over the loss of Godric. 

-Sookie kisses his blood tears.

Foreplay?

-Bye Eric! See you next episode!

BON TEMPS

-Sookie wakes up from her dream before the good stuff happens (doesn't it always happen like that?) and Jason knows what's up.

-Sookie had never been outside of Bon Temps before. It's a pretty sad statement. 

-Shit has gone on in Bon Temps. You can tell because of the sign. 

The "Bone" Temps gave me a little giggle.

OPENING CREDITS

SOOKIE'S MARYANN'S

-If I'm not mistaken the Meat Wicker Man was made out of real meat when they were filming.

-Maryann sends Carl after some more, fancier meat. Where is he getting the meat from? Who is paying for this?

MOTEL

-Andy says that people are pissing on the sidewalks. What the hell is wrong with the people of Bon Temps?

-Andy asks Sam what Maryann wants Sam for.

I can think of a few things I want him for.

-Of course Sam has cowboy boots.

-Arlene calls Sam and it's obviously a trap, but so far Sam has been really bad at avoiding those.

BILL'S HOUSE

-It's night out and Jason is just getting around to calling the cops about the people the car hit.

-Maxine comes out with black eyes and Bill literally says, "what the devil?!" He's the worst.

-Hoyt tells Sookie that her house is basically Maryann's. She acts predictably pissed about it.

-Jason is ready to set the town right, but gets distracted by news of a new waitress at Merlotte's.

For once he's not implicated in a Merlotte's waitress murder.

-Apparently playing the Wii calms Maxine down. Is Wii paying for produce placement?

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-Sam, of course, walks into a trap. For some reason Arlene says, "I know how much punctuality means to you."

-Sam and Andy run from the townspeople and shut themselves inside the dead body refrigerator. So they knew they were walking into a trap and this was the best plan they came up with.

-Jane goes to call Maryann, but instead gets distracted by a "for a good time call" number.

I'm surprised she didn't just call herself.

LAFAYETTE'S DISPENSARY

-Tara is not going softly into the night and Lettie Mae is falling for all her bullshit. What a susceptible family.

-"Jesus and I agreed to see other people."-Hallelujah.

SOOKIE'S MARYANN'S

-I feel for Sookie with the whole house situation. It's really fucked up. I know people who have had their homes destroyed along with most of their personal belongings and it is really devastating. Honestly, if I was Sookie I would have a hard time forgiving Tara.

-This episode should probably be named "The Episode of Unnecessary Flashbacks". I know not all the characters have caught up with everything, but that doesn't mean we need to see flashbacks from previous episodes. 

-Maryann screams "ravish me" to Bill.

Thankfully it does not happen.

-Okay guys this is going to be a spoiler, but really I can't think of anything to call what goes on with Sookie's hands "fairy lights". It's pretty lame.

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-"Aren't you glad I didn't take your advice and quit drinking?"- We sure are Andy. You're a lot sassier when you drink.

-Andy says that Sam has been good to Bon Temps even if he is a nudist. It's because he flashes hit butt around that he's been good to Bon Temps.

-Jason shows up with a chainsaw. Is that really a great weapon?

It works against evil stereos. 

-People are licking mustard off a girl's legs. It is the most disgusting thing True Blood has ever aired.

-Did someone just throw a condom at Jason?

-Terry still proves to be amazing, even with possessed and doesn't let Arlene get herself killed.

-"We will unfuck this situation at a later date."

SOOKIE'S CAR

-Bill is throwing up like a sorority girl at her first frat party.

At least he's not doing it in the car.

-Bill is still being a little bitch about accepting help from Eric. Just because he wants your girlfriend doesn't mean he wants a maenad fucking shit up for him.

MERLOTTE'S BAR AND GRILL

-How long has it been since Sam has changed his shirt?

-Sam just goes ahead and sacrifices himself while body surfing at the same time.

LAFAYETTE'S DISPENSARY

-"This has got to be the worst motherfucking intervention in history."

But it's a pretty solid house party.

-Some LSU student comes to buy some V, but Bill steps in and becomes all Bill about it. Maybe because the girl looked way too old to be taking V to stay up for finals.

-Sookie gets the "c" bomb dropped on her again. That's how we know Tara has gone to the dark side.

-Also can I get some of Sookie's sundresses?

With Pam's pumps?

MERLOTTE'S PARKING LOT

-I'd worship Jason.

-For giving Jason Sam, the town will get "good weather and good crops." The joke is almost too smart to be coming out of Jason.

-"Smite me motherfucker!"

-Sam shifts and the town folk think he's been smote. Someone grabs his jeans and starts waving them around like the trophy they are.

-Sam comes out with an apron tied around his waist. Thankfully he turns around.

This is why I've stuck with True Blood after all these years.

-"That's the last drink I'll ever take."

LAFAYETTE'S DISPENSARY

-"If ever there was a time to listen to a white man Tara, this would be it."

-Sookie and Bill finally get through to Tara and the first thing she wants to do is rescue Eggs. Just leave him and his ridiculous nickname behind!

-Bill leaves because he thinks he knows somebody who might help. Well at least he's out of our hair.

-"I left everybody before and look what happened."

Bill's pretension is rubbing off on Sookie.

-Bill tells Sookie to stay away from her house. So how long before she heads to her house?

BILL'S HOUSE

-Maxine calls Jessica a "devil slut" and says that Hoyt has a "penguin dick." I don't even want to know what that means.

-Jessica bites Maxine which she totally deserves.

SOPHIE ANNE'S PALACE

END

-Musical Moment of the Night: "New World in My View" by King Britt. It plays during the credits and is the name of the episode.

SPOILERS

-Eric is getting Lafayette to sell V, because the Queen is making him do it because she's broke.

-It's not really a spoiler, but why would the Queen specifically know about maenads? It's never really explained. 

Screencaps procured at Home of the Nutty.

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